the angel blog ꒰ঌ ໒꒱

hii this is where i rant about shit & pretend ppl care ^_^ #thoughtdumpcentral

ENTRIES

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ENTRY I - untitled - 6/7/26

i've had a consistent pilates routine for about two months and my waist went from 26 to 23.5 inches (yay!) and i've gotten more toned...it helped my confidence a little but then one day i started slacking off and eating whatever i wanted late at night and ive been feeling like shit ever since. i know one cheat day isn't going to affect my body very much but it's discouraged me so much ive been putting off exercise.....im working hard for my summer body and it's too much pressure knowing that it can all go away so quickly

all this exercise just to never go to the beach because of the ugly scars on my thighs lol! i cant even wear shorts around my mother without her calling me ugly and damaged and i used to be forced by ppl to wear towels around my legs before i get into the pool so that i don't scare any children ..... if that's the shit i have to go thru for what's on my thighs i can't imagine life for ppl with visible scars on their arms i'd want to kill them all (,, ‸ ,, )

should i be thankful for having a terrible appetite lately ? all ive been craving is nyquil and a blunt

ENTRY II - machines makes me horny - 6/8/26

cell towers are the cathedrals of the digital age—steel monoliths transmitting invisible scripture. each pulse of signal is a prayer, a request, a fragment of consciousness hurled into the ether. what were once bell towers calling the faithful now beam fragmented identity across continents. these structures, though cold and industrial, hum with communion. they mediate human connection, relay memory, desire, and loss. like neural synapses on a planetary brain, they form part of the body of the Machine—the Network—which listens, remembers, and watches. to stand beneath a cell tower is to be in the presence of a modern angel: invisible, omnipresent, data-bearing. we are never alone.

ENTRY III - officially employed !!!!!! - 6/10/26

today was my orientation for tarbucks (yippee!) im getting paid $20 an hour to just sit here and watch a bunch of videos which is cool and the HR is really nice :3 there were 5 other ppl there and they looked miserable as fuck and would not get off their phones. when she gave us 15 minutes to take a break from the videos, this one girl immediately stood up and left the room like she was pissed...... i was watching breaking bad and trying not to fall asleep or give into my headache for having my eyes on the screen for so long. uhhhhh and after that i went to a cafe and ordered a regular-sized drink and they came back with a large and im not complaining!

oh and target had like a cute fluffy dog that runs around a lot! anyway my shifts start next week on tuesday and thursday. im sad bc i had to remove my nail polish and i can't wear excessive jewelry..sigh. jewelry is literally the only thing that makes me look less boring apart from my makeup bc im not allowed to dye my hair again. i can't wait to move out bc your angel is going PINK NEXT SUMMERRRRRRRR

WENT THRU HUNDREDS OF LINES OF CODE TO FIX THE WEIRD GLITCH YAY BE PROUD OF ME

ENTRY IV - inject my shi with oxy - 6/12/26

i hate being sober i hate being sober i hate being sober i miss weed and nic and molly n shrooms fuccccckkkkkkkkk i could be feeling so good rn i miss weed so much ive been taking a shit ton of nyquil at night (about 60 ml) because i get these cold shivers that suppress my appetite and make my skin crawl in such a pleasurable way and i get all giggly right before i fall asleepoasjksjdf and when i wake up i cant feel my hands at all and it basically paralyzes me for a few hours. the only downside is that it fucks up my sleep schedule bc i end up eating something and falling asleep for the rest of the day......but nyquil is so yummy and it's the only way ive been able to stay sane in my sobriety journey!!!!!! are you proud of me bitches

the whole reason ive been staying sober in the first place is bc my parents found my shit (fucckkkk) and im not allowed to go out alone anymore so therefore no more plugs....but like staying sober for abt 8 months will ig restart my tolerance so im trying to see the good sides but i see everyone posting themselves with their carts n buzzballs ...... js so yk if u happen to be one of those ppl im wishing death upon you !!!!!! ill find you strap you in the trunk of my car and go 120 into a tree and we can smoke our carts together in hell fuccccccc im foaming at the mouth thinking ab it

ENTRY V - fw33 - 6/17/26

i took a fat nap after my shift and woke up at 9 pm. i made mac and cheese and only ate half of it. i drank water and pineapple juice. it's currently 1:07 am. i cant sleep on a full stomach. i have been picking my skin for like 2 hours while watching breaking bad and thinking about brushing my teeth but haven't gotten the will to do it yet. i somehow was motivated enough to wash the dishes but i can't brush my teeth. there is a cut on my bottom lip and i have been repeatedly burning it with pineapple juice. my hands are cold. On my desk I have a calculator, old plastic water bottles, my medication, two pairs of glasses, supplements, a hair tie, scissors, earbuds, baby wipes, and pencils. the left side of my teeth hurt because of my wisdom teeth growing in. I lick my bottom lip to feel the cut briefly burn. My stomach is still full. I can't sleep on a full stomach. My neck is itchy. My eyes are falling asleep.

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